Wat het ook al van skaamte geword?
Wat het ook al van skaamte geword?
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(Whatever happened to shame?)
(Whatever happened to shame?)
Die eerste paartjie het 'n emosie gevoel wat hulle nog nooit voorheen gevoel het nie: Skaamte. Maar dit blyk dat die konsep van skaamte die afgelope tyd sy gewildheid verloor het. Volgens 'n Newsweek-peiling sal slegs 62% van Amerikaners skaam voel as dit bekend is dat hulle 'n buite-egtelike verhouding gehad het. Slegs 73% sal skaam voel as dit bekend is dat hulle skuldig bevind is aan dronkbestuur. Vir die meeste Amerikaners is skaamte iets wat hulle in Japan het. Ons land gaan oor skaamteloosheid! Hier bied mense eintlik vrywillig aan om hul buite-egtelike verhoudings en vernederende gedrag op nasionale TV uit te stal en die wêreld gaap.
Daar is nie veel waaroor mense meer skaam voel nie. En tog is skaamte 'n integrale deel van God se plan om mans en vroue na Hom te herstel. Die definisie van skaamte is "'n pynlike emosie wat gewek word deur die erkenning dat 'n mens versuim het om op te tree, op te tree of te dink in ooreenstemming met die standaarde wat 'n mens as goed aanvaar." Johannes, wat oor die koninkryk van die hemele praat, sê: “Niks wat onrein is, sal ooit daarin ingaan nie, en ook nie iemand wat skandelik of bedrieglik doen nie” (Openbaring 21:27). Net soos pyn 'n waarskuwing vir ons liggame is dat ons fisies siek kan wees, so is skuld 'n waarskuwing vir ons gees dat ons geestelik siek is. 'n Gevoel van skaamte is nodig voordat 'n mens die eerste tree na verlossing kan gee, wat 'n besef van skuld is. “Want almal het gesondig en dit ontbreek hulle aan die heerlikheid van God” (Romeine 3:23).
As ons nie besef dat ons sondaars is en skuldig is voor God nie, sal ons nooit die volgende stap – bekering – bereik nie. “Heerlikheid van God bring bekering wat tot redding lei” (2 Korintiërs 7:10). Ten slotte lei bekering tot die vergifnis van ons sondes. Om dit op te som, skaamte lei tot skuldgevoelens, wat lei tot bekering, wat lei tot vergifnis.
Daar is ten minste 6 foutiewe oortuigings wat ons verhoed om skaamte te voel: (1) My sondes is nie my skuld nie. Die samelewing is verantwoordelik, nie ek nie. In vroeër tye het predikante gereeld hulle gemeentes vermaan om nederig hulle sondes te bely. Maar die meeste wil nie preke hoor wat hul selfbeeld kan laat raas nie. Daarom veroordeel die meeste boodskappe in kerke vandag sosiale euwels soos rassisme, seksisme en sosiale onregte. Slegs selde tref hulle onderwerpe naby aan die huis soos egskeiding, trots, hebsug en materialisme. Ja, ons hoor steeds veroordeling van aborsie, pornografie en ander buitensporighede van ons alles-gaan-samelewing, maar dit is gewoonlik vuiste wat geskud word vir die wêreld daarbuite, nie vingers wat na diegene in die banke gewys word nie. (2) My sondes is te wyte aan 'n onbehoorlike opvoeding deur my ouers. Klink bekend? "Die vrou wat jy hier by my gesit het, sy het vir my vrugte van die boom gegee, en ek het dit geëet." Die meeste mense is nie bereid om verantwoordelikheid te aanvaar vir die verkeerde dinge wat hulle doen nie. Maar God kyk nie so daarna nie. Ons kan nie vinger wys na ouers, huweliksmaats of ons kinders nie. Ons is, elkeen van ons, verantwoordelik vir ons eie sondes. (3) Die duiwel het my dit laat doen. Dit klink ook bekend, nie waar nie? "Die vrou het gesê: 'Die slang het my bedrieg, en ek het geëet'."
Die eerste paartjie het 'n emosie gevoel wat hulle nog nooit voorheen gevoel het nie: Skaamte. Maar dit blyk dat die konsep van skaamte die afgelope tyd sy gewildheid verloor het. Volgens 'n Newsweek-peiling sal slegs 62% van Amerikaners skaam voel as dit bekend is dat hulle 'n buite-egtelike verhouding gehad het. Slegs 73% sal skaam voel as dit bekend is dat hulle skuldig bevind is aan dronkbestuur. Vir die meeste Amerikaners is skaamte iets wat hulle in Japan het. Ons land gaan oor skaamteloosheid! Hier bied mense eintlik vrywillig aan om hul buite-egtelike verhoudings en vernederende gedrag op nasionale TV uit te stal en die wêreld gaap.
Daar is nie veel waaroor mense meer skaam voel nie. En tog is skaamte 'n integrale deel van God se plan om mans en vroue na Hom te herstel. Die definisie van skaamte is "'n pynlike emosie wat gewek word deur die erkenning dat 'n mens versuim het om op te tree, op te tree of te dink in ooreenstemming met die standaarde wat 'n mens as goed aanvaar." Johannes, wat oor die koninkryk van die hemele praat, sê: “Niks wat onrein is, sal ooit daarin ingaan nie, en ook nie iemand wat skandelik of bedrieglik doen nie” (Openbaring 21:27). Net soos pyn 'n waarskuwing vir ons liggame is dat ons fisies siek kan wees, so is skuld 'n waarskuwing vir ons gees dat ons geestelik siek is. 'n Gevoel van skaamte is nodig voordat 'n mens die eerste tree na verlossing kan gee, wat 'n besef van skuld is. “Want almal het gesondig en dit ontbreek hulle aan die heerlikheid van God” (Romeine 3:23).
As ons nie besef dat ons sondaars is en skuldig is voor God nie, sal ons nooit die volgende stap – bekering – bereik nie. “Heerlikheid van God bring bekering wat tot redding lei” (2 Korintiërs 7:10). Ten slotte lei bekering tot die vergifnis van ons sondes. Om dit op te som, skaamte lei tot skuldgevoelens, wat lei tot bekering, wat lei tot vergifnis.
D. Thorfeldt ©CDMI
The book of Genesis tells us that even though Adam and Eve were naked in the Garden of Eden, they felt no shame (Genesis 2:25). But notice what happened shortly after they ate of the forbidden fruit. "Then the man and his wife heard the sound of the Lord God as He was walking in the garden in the cool of the day, and they hid from the Lord God among the trees of the garden. But the Lord God called to the man, 'Where are you?' He answered, 'I heard you in the garden, and I was afraid because I was naked; so I hid.' And He said, 'Who told you that you were naked? Have you eaten from the tree that I commanded you not to eat from?' The man said, 'The woman you put here with me gave me some fruit from the tree, and I ate it' Then the Lord God said to the woman, 'What is this you have done?' The woman said, 'The serpent deceived me, and I ate'" (Genesis 3:8-13).
The first couple felt an emotion that they had never felt before: Shame. But it seems that the concept of shame has lost its popularity lately. According to a Newsweek poll only 62% of Americans would feel shame if it were known they'd had an extramarital affair. Only 73% would feel shame if it were known they'd been convicted of drunk driving. To most Americans, shame is something they have in Japan. Our country's about shamelessness! Here, people actually volunteer to exhibit their extramarital affairs and degrading behavior on national TV and the world yawns.
There is not much that people feel ashamed about any more. And yet, shame is an integral part of God's plan to restore men and women back to Him. The definition of shame is "a painful emotion aroused by the recognition that one has failed to act, behave, or think in accordance with the standards which one accepts as good." John, speaking about the kingdom of heaven, says, "Nothing impure will ever enter it, nor will anyone who does what is shameful or deceitful" (Revelation 21:27). Just as pain is a warning to our bodies that we may be sick physically, so guilt is a warning to our spirit that we are sick spiritually. A sense of shame is needed before one can take the first step toward salvation, which is a realization of guilt. "For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God" (Romans 3:23).
If we don't realize that we are sinners and are guilty before God, we will never reach the next step - repentance. "Godly sorrow brings repentance that leads to salvation" (2 Corinthians 7:10). Finally, repentance leads to the forgiveness of our sins. Summing it up, Shame leads to Guilt, which leads to Repentance, leading to Forgiveness.
There are at least 6 erroneous beliefs that prevent us from feeling shame: (1) My sins are not my fault. Society is responsible, not me. In earlier times, ministers regularly exhorted their congregations to humbly confess their sins. But most don't want to hear sermons that might rattle their self-esteem. Therefore, most messages in churches today condemn societal evils such as racism, sexism, and social injustices. Only rarely do they hit on subjects close to home like divorce, pride, greed, and materialism. Yes, we still hear condemnation of abortion, pornography and other excesses of our anything-goes society, but they are usually fists shaken at the world outside, not fingers pointed at those in the pews. (2) My sins are due to an improper upbringing by my parents. Sound familiar? "The woman you put here with me, she gave me some fruit from the tree, and I ate it." Most people aren't willing to take responsibility for the wrongs they do. But God doesn't look at it that way. We can't point fingers at parents, spouses or our children. We are, each of us, accountable for our own sins. (3) The devil made me do it. This sounds familiar also, doesn't it? "The woman said, 'The serpent deceived me, and I ate.'"
Yes, Satan can enter into our lives and influence us by planting thoughts in our minds leading to sin. But he can't make us do anything. When we were born again into Christ, we became new creatures - sons and daughters of God. And as His children, we are no longer under the ruler-ship of Satan. We live in God's kingdom, not Satan's. (4) Its wrong only if we knowingly sin. Wrong again. Just as under civil law, ignorance of the law is no excuse; so under God's law, we are counted guilty whether we realize we are sinning or not. (5) All we have to do to be forgiven is feel sorry for our sins. Sorry, that’s not good enough. This isn't the TV show, “Touched by an Angel," you know. Not only must we repent in our heart, but we must show it is sincere by our actions. Paul says, "I preached that they should repent and turn to God and prove their repentance by their deeds" (Acts 26:20). (6) When we are "in Christ" we can sin as much as we please and be forgiven. This is not true either. Some of the misguided early Christians thought this way too, but Paul straightened them out in Romans 6:1-2. "What shall we say, then? Shall we go on sinning so that grace may increase? By no means! We died to sin; how can we live in it any longer?"
Yes, the emotion of shame has pretty much disappeared from our world. It's a shame, isn't it?
D. Thorfeldt ©CDMI
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